Just so I can fully understand the issue, you say: "If I seek counseling, I lose my job." What, exactly, does this mean? Specifically, do you have a security clearance and are afraid to have to bring this up on a reexamination? If so, I urge you to speak to someone, such as your security officer, who might be able to help disabuse you of this notion. If not, I am curious what kind of job you have that would prevent you from seeking the help you need.