Colonoscopy jokes

Common Questions and Answers about Colonoscopy jokes

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Hi everyone, Well, I had my colonoscopy yesterday. I didn't think they would find anything after 42 1/2 years being a vegetarian. No polyps, just a little diverticulitis. I have to eat more greens. He said to come back in 10 years when I'm 75. Fat chance! LOL. The anethesia always makes me sick. I feel a lot better after a good long sleep. You definitely need a ride to and from the procedure. I was very groggy afterwards. Well another 10 days and I get my 3 month PCR.
I had c-section 5 months ago. I arranged for colonoscopy as I see blood (after bowel movement) when I wipe. Is it safe to have colonoscopy 5 months after c-section? If anyone had the same experience, please help. I am going to do it in a clinic next week. But I am afraid. I have heard that it will be difficult for those who had abdominal surgery recently.
which is my only vice. I have my colonoscopy scheduled for the 19th of December and doctor wants to run a tube down my esophagus to see what else is going on in there right after that; should I do that test before the colonoscopy? What else could it be and should I be doing anything else? I also had an abdominal ultrasound done last week and everything turned out normal. I carry arounf 40-50 pounds of stenographer equipment everyday, so just wondering if I could have ruptured something.
After reading the many colonoscopy horror stories and problems with sedation associated with it; I was less than anxious to get a colonoscopy. But the symptoms persisted and I met with several GI docs; they did not listen to any of my questions, ubt insisted that I get a colonoscopy immediately. When I told them that I didn't want sedation, they said that was impossible and basically told me to get lost.
I went to the gastro dr after this and i have to say im a little disappointed. He tried to make jokes, and make light of everything when i was worried that it could come back. It seems the biggest possibility i seem to have right now the dr thinks is IBS that is triggered by my emotions and stress, which sets my stomach off really really fast. This doesnt help though at all .... how do i deal with that? Ive never had this before and ive never been affected this much by it either.
My GI recommended an upper endoscopy and colonoscopy to take a look at my recurring acid reflux and fairly regular (monthly) rectal bleeding (he suspects hemroidal in nature). He suggested that they be done in seperate procedures on two different days because, according to him, the preparation for the colonoscopy can make my upper tract appear raw, etc.
I used to tell my mother that if I ever die let doctors check my left side. Anyway, jokes aside. I had colonoscopy, barium X-rays, ultra sound test for gallbladder, kidney, and pancrease, and everything came out OK. And I had these symptoms for years. Later I started to learn about IBS. And my symptoms sounded like IBS. go to www.drdahlman.com website, and download a free report on IBS. You can also try Dr. Dahlman's treatment if you want.
At work people notice, hold their breath and make jokes and say things. Which is understandable because I myself find it gross. It's not like their is a sound but the smell, worst is I don't smell anything so just when my stomache bubbles I have to pray it does not. I already have social anxiety but with this Condition I really don't want to be around people and they don't want me around them. I don't know what to do anymore.
I went to the gastro dr after this and i have to say im a little disappointed. He tried to make jokes, and make light of everything when i was worried that it could come back. It seems the biggest possibility i seem to have right now the dr thinks is IBS that is triggered by my emotions and stress, which sets my stomach off really really fast. This doesnt help though at all .... how do i deal with that? Ive never had this before and ive never been affected this much by it either.
The radiologist was there and made sure I was comfortable and even cracked a few jokes to break the ice and reduce any embarassment. The worst part was the prep and fasting for so long.
how about some ab sculpting, bun lift, spray tan, vaneers, pap smeer, mamogram, and a colonoscopy?? Think about how conveinent it would be if they could get everything done all at once....oh, but the recovery pain!! Keep your head up Viva!
Unless your doctor can 100% reassure you that the cause is minor - such as anal fissure, haemorrhoids etc - I suggest that you ask for a colonoscopy which will provide the maximum reassurance (hopefully) and forestall the nagging worry that might linger if you depart from your doctor's surgery with a "well I think it might be ...........". "diagnosis".
Update--- colonoscopy: When the nurses and doctor asked why I was having a colonoscopy I told them "vaginal bleeding" they all looked at me funny and I said "I know my front from my back" LOL, my sister who took me for the test just laughed. I told them, well it's possible it's urinary, but it's NOT coming from my butt. I had one small polyp removed, but it was not the cause of the bleeding.
I tried very hard to make humor out of it...makes it a little easier. Just posted several jokes about diahrrea on my FB last nite...which actually had me laugh out loud; Like 'spank me (if you dare!) or '"hence forth all my jokes wil be ******" BTW; a number of OTC's are cheaper on drugs.com. TENS:The equipment is an RX item - and you have life time free repair. See web site: www.EMPI.com . Same electrodes are also used to control parkinson and other symptoms of the brain..
To make a long story short, my Dad has been having stomach pains off & on for a/b a year now - when he is using the bathroom. Colon problems & cancer run in our family, so he went to have a Colonoscopy last year & there was a blockage, so they could not go as far as necessary. So they did a barium enima instead - this showed he had some "pockets" that could be diviterclosis. So they gave him an antibiotic to see if these "pockets" would go away.
I usually have a strong stomach but I had to take a gravol to get it all down yesterday. I know the Citromag I took for a colonoscopy was not as bad as this. It tasted like I was drinking ocean water-very salty. I know it worked, however. I told my hubby last night that I felt like the Energizer bunny. It just kept going, and going, and going. I drank it on ice with water but that was not much help. My other thought is would it help to add a little lemon juice to it?
My grandma has terminal colon cancer. After 4 years of fighting she was told in May she had 3-6 months. She's still kicking, refuses to go down any way but kicking and screaming. But it just seems so unfair. She has lived such a hard life. Her father raped her and her sisters from the time they were 6 until they moved out. She's had abusive marriages and suffered through depression and still just battles onward.
bloated fingers and feet - rings no longer fit, shoes are too tight but a bigger size falls off colonoscopy normal endoscopy normal thyroid normal, no lupus, arthritis or lyme Gastro says it's a tilted pelvis, gyne says 'normal', primary says slow digestion Is this really normal?
-) Thanks for the jokes. A redi-pen. Too clever!
On second thought, give the donuts after the procedure, never hurts to play it save. Serious, is this your first colonoscopy? Are they looking for something, or is it just routine screening? I had one in 1984, when things were pretty crude, and the memory has prevented me from doing another one. That guy had me laying on my back, which is totally wrong, and tried to shove this gardenhose up there. He must have enjoyed the view, and all my protesting didn't help.
It's also important to never tell jokes to security staff at the airports. I have to say, I love USA and can't wait to go back there, but all the warnings almost scare me..
Although I'd had some relief due to the colonoscopy, the thought of having a yearly colonoscopy to STRETCH out the colon and break up the adhesions was NOT very appealing. Anyway, the pain was so bad one day that I told the teacher that I had to leave. She talked me into working with her on a massage ball (a small ball, not a pilates ball)...this has been around for about 18 years and she had just taken a class in it. Two half hour sessions of rolling on this ball (like a smallish soccer ball).
Better to suffer here than there I guess. I see a general surgeon for a colonoscopy next week. God I just feel so alone right now. Thought if anyone was up they could just tell me a good joke, or tell me I can do this, or just something. I don't want to call my family and wake them up and all my friends are out of town for the weekend. I don't use this word very often but I really, really HATE this disease. Need some hope.
My doctor didn't really think it was a big deal she send me to get a colonoscopy and was diagnosed with having internal hemmoroids, she prescribed reglan and bentyl,that didn't seem to help either. It's a very embarrasing condition. I really hope people stop making fun of this condition and start helping with some support.
the few i have gone to for support,have not been what i was looking for..to many FWDS and jokes..nice people though..but not what i was looking for. I think this is going to be a great fit! My "cocktail", which took a couple years to get right, (bless my shrink and Dr.'s hearts! ) consists of these meds: Cymbalta 60mg in the AM cymbalta 30mg in the PM Lexapro 20mg 2x a day Buspirone 10mg 3x a day ketoprofen 75mg 2x a day these help me deal with the OCD/depression and pain.
Actually, I just got home tonight to find the doc sent me this video of <a href="http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6870899549229826076&q=colonoscopy">my recent bung exploration</a>. BTW, I'm now looking for a new doctor if you hear of once taking patients......
on another note, and this is one sad difference, Scott is still battling HCV, even though he jokes that he made that up, and I have none detectable, TWO yr PCR down to 50IU/ML and still NEGATIVE! But, something troubling in my latest bloodwork, my RBC is 3.67, range 3.8-10.8; HGB is 11.5, range 11.7-15.5; Hematocrit is 33.1, range of 35.0-45. THese are all LOW! almost like tx readings! what gives? I guess I need that freaking colonoscopy after all. grrr.
I have an appointment to meet with the doctor who will do my colonoscopy the 11th (what fun, I meet with my anathesieologist on the 24th and surgery is the 29th. Scared poopless. I will get through it. My panic attacks are aweful. Sometimes my legs feel like butter. Ziggy for years I went to doctor after doctor thinking something was wrong with my heart. I had known since childhood I had MVP but docs say it was not any worse. They all told me stress.
I have to get ready to go out i going to a baby shower today so you all enjoy yourselfs and have a great partyyyyyyyyyy Katie glad you had a laugh at the jokes on our other site. Thought we needed something like that. Mary53 have a great dinner.
It has gotten so bad now that I pee about 20 times a day without jokes. Yes I drink about 3 litres of water every day. But still I cannot retain my urine for some odd reason but always have to urinate immediately after drinking any liquid. Then immediately after urinating I feel thirsty and have to drink liquid again. It is crazy. The urinating problem is the worst symptom. Okay now I come to the medical tests I have taken: 1. HIV TEST 2 months after incident. It came negative (0.
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