it is going to be hard when you get off them completely. You'll be sick physically and emotionally torn. but you have to tell the people around you, by telling them you'll be taking the 1st step, when you tell them, say this is what I've been doing, and not only am I admitting this but I am making a promise to you and to myself that I will now seek treatment cause you can't do it alone. I've tried for 4 years, I never told anyone and it just doesn't work.