howdy. first, you're not a loser. i know it can feel like it but as long as you're still trying, you haven't lost. ya that dam monkey can be persistent, especially when it turns into a gorilla (that's what mine do about this time of year). all i got is right now, and i've proven how fast i can change that, but i 'm just as close to it as you. we're not bad people trying to become good, we're sick and trying to get well.