in that you've started figuring out that you're on a slippery slope NOW, not when you're broke, have lost your partner, your home, your career, your health
, or God forbid, your freedom or your life. The smartest thing you could EVER do is get yourself help NOW, so you don't go down that road....the chances that you WILL are very very high.
You've come to the right place...the folks here are amazing. Ask questions, keep an open mind, and go from there.