The best course of action for you would be to dump the subs and
the kratom and
anything else you have, go through wds and
start getting help for your addict brain. When you get help for your addiction, if you do the work, you will even lose the desire to use. I can hear in your words that you are determined to keep doing what you are doing. I know you asked for help, and that is so great but often times, we don't want to do what's offered (hell, I certainly didn't.