I find it odd that you’re worried about side-
effects from the anti-seizure med, but not worried about the
side-
effects of a
Tramadol overdose, which is basically what you’re doing.
You said not to suggest telling anyone, but, without support, I don’t know how you will possibly be able to end your addiction. Having someone to support you makes you accountable, and that would be a good thing in this case.