It takes a long time, and a lot of damned balls to self evaluate, to internalize all of the bullsh*t
you have created, and get pissed off enough at yourself for the sh*t
you have done to your loved ones, your body, mind and soul. Only then can you put the pieces back together. Only then, can you begin to break free of the pain you have built up around yourself.
It's hard to go it alone, but there are millions of addicts out there who go through the same nightmare when they decide to stop.