Massage jokes

Common Questions and Answers about Massage jokes


425312 tn?1279969779 I was over at my sisters house this evening and one their friends stopped by to pick up their kid, he is a massage therapist and a Louisville, Ky police officer. WOW I thought to myself hmmm I wonder...he was explaining how if you are all stuffy headed he could massage your face and it would release the stuffiness through the nasal cavity, I asked him How about detoxing your body? He said a massage would detox your body by 12%, does anyone know if this is true? Plus from a cops point of view....
181575 tn?1250202386 Do you guys enjoy getting massages or do you think it would be helpful, having hep B, to get a massage? Would you tell a massage therapist you have Hep B? do you think it is important/relevant? What could a massage therapist do to make you feel comfortable speaking about this subject? What could a massage therapist do to help towel's, aromatherapy...ect??? your imput would be so helpful and i promise i wouldn't break any privacy issues.
Avatar m tn Don't be afraid to ask questions when booking your appointment or at the beginning of the massage to get a feel for whether or not you have a good massage therapist or esthetician... you have a right to know who is touching you and working on you!
Avatar n tn I am going to actually get out of my house and do something good for myself - a nice long walk. Been so long since I could do that. I would rather have a facial and massage, but I will take what I can LOL. Have a great day!!!
Avatar f tn Well by the time we got home my very were so swollen to where my sandals wouldn't come off and my husband started cracking jokes on my cankles lol.. I elevated my feet right away and drank water but is there something else I could do to prevent my feet from swelling like that again?
1742220 tn?1331360327 my brain really does have a lot of power. im not braggin. or billy. omg such bad jokes i ony entertain myself. sorry. from my nest of salt. everythings my fault. omg i saw this bug yesterday a new one IN THE LOT that was almost seafoam green but with my coller bline i thought maybe it was light blue? like a flat sort of gunmetal blue you know? it had a black top ... this made me climax ohhhh god and uh ...
Avatar m tn All the massage oils seem to work themselves into the skin way to fast and things dry up, then you have to stop and re-lube everything. Petroleum jelly seems to be too viscous for my liking, but lasts longer. It's also more difficult to clean up, unlike the KY that's water soluble. The gels, like KY (the old stand-by) seem to last pretty long but some have that clinical smell. I haven't tried looking for something with a more pleasant aroma, but I'm sure there's something out there.
Avatar f tn 3 You go girl, so proud.
Avatar f tn The only thing is, I still have the wooshing in the morning and at night. It's technically a form of tinnitus, and it gets better if I massage and stretch my jaw every day, but it doesn't go away. Also, I've noticed that, if I tap on the back of my head on the right side, I hear a strange, hollow noise in my right ear. It's like there's air in there or something. (Please, no airhead jokes.) It only happens on the right side, which is also the side that wooshes the most.
Avatar n tn When I went for massage last year, the therapist has me put my arms behind my back like I'm being arrested (no sick jokes, haha), and then massages the back of my shoulders with her elbows. My left arm goes back fine. My right arm feels like it's being twisted very unnaturally and has lots of tightness in my upper arm, I guess tricep area, but not sure. 2.
Avatar f tn i believe its normal this is my first pregnancy and i have had some pain in my hips too. My husband jokes and says my hips look wider and i think hes right.
Avatar f tn What kind/brand do you have? Which ones are best? & where to buy?
Avatar n tn Chemo really takes it out of you and a massage and facial is awesome. Just to be pampered for a little while and feel normal.
675923 tn?1296241611 It is for the students too but I cannot act out like they do. Pulling out jokes for an hour, when I'd rather get a bat out is like having two magnets inside of me that won't go together. I didn't sleep well last night ~ forgot to take off my patch. As I was laying there in bed, thinking of my girl, I remembered I still had it on. I put the pieces together. Weird dreams and lack of sleep. I will take just this day and make it successful.
Avatar n tn They are the ones closest to you and you should try and use that time to offload yourself. For the neck pain - try some nack exercises, neck massage, warm compresses and local application of an analgesic medication. These should help - if not, see a physical therapist. Once all this falls into place, the depression will lessen if not go away. You should then try to plan things at work and home, and take a break often. If this still doesnt help consult a psychiatrist.
2111792 tn?1342708227 Vacations, favorite man toys all those things are nice, but it will be your dedication to him and the energy you put back into your marriage when you feel strong again that will give him the most pleasure, I believe. There is nothing like having someone to laugh at your jokes, give a bubble bath,share a meal with and just do some quiet star gazing with. I am sure you will get in the groove as your energy returns. All the best to you both.
209656 tn?1272300665 Hi Cathey - Real tired, But some of them were real good. I think Jenn posted the one, where the guy wanted to trade places w/ his wife - then God told him He had to wait 9 months because He's pregnant! LOL - Thanks a bunch!
215220 tn?1191460464 I have also had muscle twitches that I can see. My husband jokes that I must be pregnant because he keeps feeling my stomach twitching like a baby kicking, LOL! My right pointer finger has been spasming continuously for about a month now and my index finger has been getting into it by twitching real quick now and again to where I can see the top of my hand muscles twitching too. Feels like a bubbling sensation when my muscles twitch. My left side is weaker as well. I get easily fatigued.
Avatar n tn Dear everyone, last night i had manual sex with my boyfriend, he put a bottle of massage oil inside my vagina. at the end, he found out that the top of the bottle was not there, we looked for it around his bed, but we could not find it. Can it get stuck inside my vagina? i didn't feel anything strange inside and i feel shy to go to a gynecolog for a silly thing like this.
391232 tn?1255030470 Dress up nice, put on some sexy makeup, light candles, massage him (this will help him anyway, after a long day, but also drives men crazy), laugh, giggle, tell jokes, be FUN. I'm sure you guys will be just fine and PLEASE remember, not everyone gets preggo on the first shot (it was just completely God and I give Him the recognition, not my timing). It can take up to 6 months. So do not put pressure on yourself.
1548028 tn?1324616046 I may try accupuncture as well KU... I hear it is wonderful and better than a massage!!! I posted about IVIg on the other thread. I would consider it for my child, really.
Avatar f tn Lol this is our 2nd baby n its a boy my bf keeps making jokes like i didnt care when our daughter was breastfed but this is my boy whose gona be on your boob i may get a little jealous i just laugh hes goofy i love him
Avatar f tn It's just hard to stay positive when literally everyone around me talks me down or makes jokes about it saying I'll do epidural whether I want to or not and that I have no idea what it's like. Just looking for some stories to help keep my head up is all.
Avatar f tn I tried very hard to make humor out of it...makes it a little easier. Just posted several jokes about diahrrea on my FB last nite...which actually had me laugh out loud; Like 'spank me (if you dare!) or '"hence forth all my jokes wil be ******" BTW; a number of OTC's are cheaper on TENS:The equipment is an RX item - and you have life time free repair. See web site: . Same electrodes are also used to control parkinson and other symptoms of the brain..
Avatar f tn You always post at just the right time. Thank you. Ionote you are a sweetheart and I appreciate everything you do. I love your jokes - you make me laugh! There is no better medicine then laughter. Ok I am shutting up for now...sorry for the long post and I am not trying to leave anyone out. IF I have I am sorry. It will come to me - my brain is not what it used to be but getting better everyday. I love you guys with all my heart.
Avatar n tn I have heat that radiates off of me when I am clothed. My husband sweats next to me at night and jokes I feel like 110 degrees, and when i uncover I get chills. I just dont know where else to turn or who else to see to get some relief. I feel like I am going crazy from the pain. Can anyone offer any insight to all of this? I would be greatly appreciated of anything.
Avatar n tn These left over bits, such as sugar, can promote the sudden growth of bacteria and yeast (already always present in a healthy vagina) and lead to an infection. Now, if your boyfriend wants to try edible massage oil or chocolate syrup ON your genitals as opposed to inside, that would be alright. But I would not recommend putting any food inside your vagina. It's you who will suffer the repercussions.
149675 tn?1416676733 (that is why I like to post and read others jokes sometimes). Today was one of the days when I felt rough all day and by 5 PM I was getting cranky. My wife went out and rented my absolute favorite comedy movie of all time "Me, Myself, and Irene" for the next almost 2 hours I howled and cried with laughter and actually felt better by the movies conclusion. What are some others favorite's? If you are feeling like **** try watching it again, it just may make you feel better...
Avatar f tn Now the past month i dont want it at all! My hubby keeps making lil jokes here and there about watching porn and using my hand! Or he asks to barrow my panties lol he knows i love him and that im uncomfy when we have sex. But what has been helping us get thru it is we laugh it off or when we do have sex he massages my hole body first and during! It really does help! I dont get to the finsh line but it does make my body relaxed and it helps me fall asleep!