Having a really tough time today! Am not really thinking of ways to die, but am definitely thinking of reasons for it. Again, idealizing the end of life and the pain as it is, more so than anything. Came to many realizations today and just want to run and hide from the rest of the world, until it passes, or life is just over. Not feeling like this is the only way out, just feeling like this is just a final release of all that I have held onto or what sometimes holds on to me.