Instead I find myself hoping that
one day, I may be able
to manage
to get my smoking down
to only two packs
a day or so, so that I will not find myself absolutely obsessed with needing to smoke another cigarette while at work. But for now, I havent found that strength, and instead I find that I keep giving in to my delightful addiction, and find myself needing to open that third pack of cigarettes every day, and feeling guilty that I might have been born in the wrong time.