If your partners have a penis, you can always use your fingers or a toy
for prostate stimulation to make that happen, before or after, depending on which your partner prefers.
I understand it's not what you want, ultimately, but it might take some of the pressure off, easing what's happening between your ears.
Have you shared your concerns with your partner(s)? Ask them for other ways you might please them - fingers, mouth, toys, whatever.
And what is going on in your head?