It also sounds like you need guidance, learning and practicing good ways to deal with and respond to adversoty, conflicts and strangely enough, support. With a bad childhood and abusive parents, the basic ground and immediate
role models is not there. So, it would make sense to learn what you don't know, practice and build it up.
Other people may have been a cornerstone in your past that helped to nurture you and who you gravitated to for support.