I think I was just keeping myself busy and not confronting my emotions
. I talked to John's friend and my friend, Miranda (separately) about everything and broke down both times with them. I'm still finding this very hard to deal with. I still feel that pity for myself and can't help but to blame myself for my baby's loss of life. As much as I want to blame Ryan for giving me PID, I was very much a part of our actions. I could have suggested a condom. But I didn't.