I know how their actions/reactions with you made you feel, because I was there once as well with my PCP that was writing me for
Percocet every other week or less. When I approached them about my addiction, they shut the door in my face and left me high and dry with everything. Like you, I thought I deserved it after what I'd done to myself as well as the people around me, etc. However...like avisg stated, nobody walks on water!