Massage jokes

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No offense to husbands out there....just a little joke. :0) The Sick Husband There was a husband and a wife. The husband was very sick, so the wife took him to the hospital and the doctor checked him out. Then the doctor asked the wife to come into his office so they could talk about what was wrong with her husband.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow! Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.

You will massage my feet and hands to relieve any last bit of tension so that I can sleep like a baby. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" The wife replied, "The damn funeral director would be my first guess, unless I have your *** cremated.

I got a massage one week ago in the USA. The chinese massage therapist very vigurously massaged my ear. She also put her fingers in the ear canal briefly for some time. As far as i saw she had no cuts nor was she bleeding from her hands. Also she did not have long nails. I was kinda taken back by this massage but and did not stop her. Later on my questioning she told me that this was commonly done by her as there were lot of presurre points in the ear.

I have just read that perineal massage can prevent tearing in child birth,has anyone ever tried this?if so did it work?

I visited a massage parlor two months ago. I received a back massage for 30 minutes then she flipped me over and started manual stimulation. There was No other activities or exchange of fluids other than the manual stimulation. After two days, I began to have liver tenderness and cought (bronchitis). Now it has been two months since exposure and I still have liver tenderness, slight jaundice (yellow pigment buildup on schlera), and a mouth ulcer.

I have had exactly one possible unsafe exposure. I performed cunnilingus on an Asian massage worker. I received fellatio with a condom on. It was a surprise to me that it happened at all. I didn't think about it much afterwards. Now a month later I'm feeling a slight pain in my urethra that comes and goes. It could just be a simple case of a coincidentally timed urinary infection.

I got a little defensive because massage is confused with sex so often and so often i get some my best friends telling me that they dont feel comfortable getting massage and cracking jokes about it.I think i might have snapped a bit. sorry. i'm getting a little frusterated with writing my paper as well, i agree with zelly that hepB is a silent killer and have read so much on the topic recently, its driving me nuts because i can not figure out what to present to my class on how to treat Hep B.

I was over at my sisters house this evening and one their friends stopped by to pick up their kid, he is a massage therapist and a Louisville, Ky police officer. WOW I thought to myself hmmm I wonder...he was explaining how if you are all stuffy headed he could massage your face and it would release the stuffiness through the nasal cavity, I asked him How about detoxing your body? He said a massage would detox your body by 12%, does anyone know if this is true? Plus from a cops point of view....

Dear Doctor, I've been practicing abstinence outside my marriage (having known I'm NEGATIVE from past tests) for a long time. But one month ago, I massaged another man's feet, WITHOUT ANY sexual contact, including oral, at all. Two weeks after that, a canker sore in my mouth. I didn't notice much, since I often get them 2-3 times a year. I thought about HIV, but I dismissed the thought afterwards.

Not every massage ends that way, but I like to massage his strong body and it's a major turn on to both of us. We joke about massage parlors that offer these type of services and sometimes use it to our advantage (role play). As for sex being an obligation or duty, I don't think that is the way Mami meant it. It only becomes an obligation or duty if she feels she has to do it and isn't in the mood at that time. She's a trooper because her man gets it a lot more than mine does! LOL!!!!

I found out my partner had visited women for massages. He denied for a few days having sex with them touching their breasts or kissing them. He said he only had massages and hand relief. I walked out. After a few days of me constantly asking he admitted to sex a few days later admitted to touching their breasts and a few days later admitted to kissing them. He still is adamant that he never gave them oral or touched their vagina etc.

I just use my finger tips to gently massage the hair and let the shampoo sit while I wash the rest of them then I rinse from top to bottom while I let the water drain out of the tub (I use mine in the sink or bathtub). Once they can sit unsupported I just put them in the big tub and wash them. Until then I continue to use the baby tub. There are also those bath rings/seats that you can use for babies that can sit well supported. I used one with my middle two.

man- that does sound good!!! I haven't been in a while.

Cranialtherapy Acupuncture Physiotherapy Osteopathic help Chiropractor Specialist massages Tens machine Swimming Hot water bottles Regular hot baths These are some of the pain killers I have had: cocodamol cocodine diazepam Anitriptyline Ibuprofen Diclofenac paracetamol a course of 3 epidurals Tramadol There are plenty more as well. This is just a taster to what I have tried to relieve myself from this pain.

HIV from a massage?You must be joking--no chance--move on please.

just before that I was giving her a foot massage, about an hour before i gave the massage she was walking outside with no shoes on... anyway while i was giving the massage i was biting my nails... there could have been anything on those feet and i put my fingers in my mouth - can i catch Hep C from this?

Just came back from the chinese massage spa. Works wonders for withdrawal pains in back legs ect. Try to get a small girl so they can walk on your back feels great.

BUT I DIDN'T AND NOW THIS I JUST CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE ITS LIKE A CRUEL JOKE!!!

I just heard on the news (not real clear about this) that he has two more complaints against him. Seemingly it was from two massage therapists who were doing physical therapy on him. I guess he started waving his winkie around again. So sad, he is going to leave the NFL a loser in my book. And he is lucky if his wife hasn't thrown all of his crap in The Mississippi River by now! Sarah, do you have the inside scoop on the putz?

But being on Seroquel XR again is just a joke. I know what works for me, but I am being nice and giving him the chance to think that he's doing his job. I still can't sleep and if I do fall asleep, I wake up and get go back to sleep, and if I do periodically get some sleep, I can't get comfortable. My neck and back have been KILLING me. I even took a pain killer the other day and used my shiatsu back massage thing-y. Two weeks until I see him. Who knows?

Yes, I got the jokes. No use getting too serious what with all the world falling down around us. But, check out Walmart's intimate oil section near their pharmacy for quite a selection. I just wondered if these $15 oils are any better than the $3 baby oil?

In some cultures, they use morning saliva to massage babies minor birth defects. The old ladies in Indonesia swear by it. I don't know if any of this has been scientifically proven, but it sure is not poisonous.

But anyway, my concern has to do with receiving a massage on back of neck and in the process having my scalp scratched/rubbed. This is not the part that upsets me. The part that upsets me is when I got home an hour or two later I began scratching my scalp where it was touched earlier in night. I was scratching profusely because of psoriasis I have on scalp. I may have slightly broke skin on scalp at this point in time. Again, scalp did not have skin openings during touching at club.

The muscles in my jaw/neck to shoulders are just so tight!! even when I massage in the usual tight spots, the soreness just won't let go. Today I ran out of my prescription of codeine contin (which is 5 days later of when it should run out-I took 50 pills less in 2 weeks!!! good job me!!) My doctor makes me pick up my pills on a 2 week basis as there is a potential addictive tendency for the medication I'm on, started after being on it over a year-ridiculous.

Hi Teak, Sorry for the nasty question, I was massaging a client yesterday and after the massage i ask my client if I could use there towel as I had oil on my hands. To my digust there was dried poo on the towel!! The reason I am posting this question is I had been wearing a plaster as I had a small cut and it had slipped off with all the oil. Is hiv or other blood borne viruses found in human faeces and any risk.

You are so young tho hon, it's probably the baby weight. You need daily massasges. Heat, jacuzzi bathtub time. and more massages. you should be pampered. If you don't have a significant other to massage you and can afford to pay for them then do it. OR< get your insurance to refer you to physical therapy for the messages on their dime. They would rather pay for P/T than send you for an MRI and or xrays cuz $$ and your pregnant.

I was told to rotate tylonol and Ibuprofin. What a freakin joke, right. So I find a Dr who will make me a appt with a neuro. I go through oral steroids, epidural steroid injections ( which was the most painful thing in my life), and finally microdiscectomy. The surgeon only cut out the L45 and tolm me I would probably never have any probs with L34, and said by the way In my opinion your L23 is also showing signs of trauma.

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