Massage jokes

Common Questions and Answers about Massage jokes

massage

I was over at my sisters house this evening and one their friends stopped by to pick up their kid, he is a massage therapist and a Louisville, Ky police officer. WOW I thought to myself hmmm I wonder...he was explaining how if you are all stuffy headed he could massage your face and it would release the stuffiness through the nasal cavity, I asked him How about detoxing your body? He said a massage would detox your body by 12%, does anyone know if this is true? Plus from a cops point of view....
Do you guys enjoy getting massages or do you think it would be helpful, having hep B, to get a massage? Would you tell a massage therapist you have Hep B? do you think it is important/relevant? What could a massage therapist do to make you feel comfortable speaking about this subject? What could a massage therapist do to help you...hot towel's, aromatherapy...ect??? your imput would be so helpful and i promise i wouldn't break any privacy issues.
I am going to actually get out of my house and do something good for myself - a nice long walk. Been so long since I could do that. I would rather have a facial and massage, but I will take what I can LOL. Have a great day!!!
Well by the time we got home my very were so swollen to where my sandals wouldn't come off and my husband started cracking jokes on my cankles lol.. I elevated my feet right away and drank water but is there something else I could do to prevent my feet from swelling like that again?
my brain really does have a lot of power. im not braggin. or billy. omg such bad jokes i ony entertain myself. sorry. from my nest of salt. everythings my fault. omg i saw this bug yesterday a new one IN THE LOT that was almost seafoam green but with my coller bline i thought maybe it was light blue? like a flat sort of gunmetal blue you know? it had a black top ... this made me climax ohhhh god and uh ...
All the massage oils seem to work themselves into the skin way to fast and things dry up, then you have to stop and re-lube everything. Petroleum jelly seems to be too viscous for my liking, but lasts longer. It's also more difficult to clean up, unlike the KY that's water soluble. The gels, like KY (the old stand-by) seem to last pretty long but some have that clinical smell. I haven't tried looking for something with a more pleasant aroma, but I'm sure there's something out there.
3 You go girl, so proud.
The only thing is, I still have the wooshing in the morning and at night. It's technically a form of tinnitus, and it gets better if I massage and stretch my jaw every day, but it doesn't go away. Also, I've noticed that, if I tap on the back of my head on the right side, I hear a strange, hollow noise in my right ear. It's like there's air in there or something. (Please, no airhead jokes.) It only happens on the right side, which is also the side that wooshes the most.
When I went for massage last year, the therapist has me put my arms behind my back like I'm being arrested (no sick jokes, haha), and then massages the back of my shoulders with her elbows. My left arm goes back fine. My right arm feels like it's being twisted very unnaturally and has lots of tightness in my upper arm, I guess tricep area, but not sure. 2.
It is for the students too but I cannot act out like they do. Pulling out jokes for an hour, when I'd rather get a bat out is like having two magnets inside of me that won't go together. I didn't sleep well last night ~ forgot to take off my patch. As I was laying there in bed, thinking of my girl, I remembered I still had it on. I put the pieces together. Weird dreams and lack of sleep. I will take just this day and make it successful.
Chemo really takes it out of you and a massage and facial is awesome. Just to be pampered for a little while and feel normal.
I tried very hard to make humor out of it...makes it a little easier. Just posted several jokes about diahrrea on my FB last nite...which actually had me laugh out loud; Like 'spank me (if you dare!) or '"hence forth all my jokes wil be ******" BTW; a number of OTC's are cheaper on drugs.com. TENS:The equipment is an RX item - and you have life time free repair. See web site: www.EMPI.com . Same electrodes are also used to control parkinson and other symptoms of the brain..
They are the ones closest to you and you should try and use that time to offload yourself. For the neck pain - try some nack exercises, neck massage, warm compresses and local application of an analgesic medication. These should help - if not, see a physical therapist. Once all this falls into place, the depression will lessen if not go away. You should then try to plan things at work and home, and take a break often. If this still doesnt help consult a psychiatrist.
Vacations, favorite man toys all those things are nice, but it will be your dedication to him and the energy you put back into your marriage when you feel strong again that will give him the most pleasure, I believe. There is nothing like having someone to laugh at your jokes, give a bubble bath,share a meal with and just do some quiet star gazing with. I am sure you will get in the groove as your energy returns. All the best to you both.
Hi Cathey - Real tired, But some of them were real good. I think Jenn posted the one, where the guy wanted to trade places w/ his wife - then God told him He had to wait 9 months because He's pregnant! LOL - Thanks a bunch!
I have also had muscle twitches that I can see. My husband jokes that I must be pregnant because he keeps feeling my stomach twitching like a baby kicking, LOL! My right pointer finger has been spasming continuously for about a month now and my index finger has been getting into it by twitching real quick now and again to where I can see the top of my hand muscles twitching too. Feels like a bubbling sensation when my muscles twitch. My left side is weaker as well. I get easily fatigued.
Dear everyone, last night i had manual sex with my boyfriend, he put a bottle of massage oil inside my vagina. at the end, he found out that the top of the bottle was not there, we looked for it around his bed, but we could not find it. Can it get stuck inside my vagina? i didn't feel anything strange inside and i feel shy to go to a gynecolog for a silly thing like this.
Dress up nice, put on some sexy makeup, light candles, massage him (this will help him anyway, after a long day, but also drives men crazy), laugh, giggle, tell jokes, be FUN. I'm sure you guys will be just fine and PLEASE remember, not everyone gets preggo on the first shot (it was just completely God and I give Him the recognition, not my timing). It can take up to 6 months. So do not put pressure on yourself.
I may try accupuncture as well KU... I hear it is wonderful and better than a massage!!! I posted about IVIg on the other thread. I would consider it for my child, really.
You always post at just the right time. Thank you. Ionote you are a sweetheart and I appreciate everything you do. I love your jokes - you make me laugh! There is no better medicine then laughter. Ok I am shutting up for now...sorry for the long post and I am not trying to leave anyone out. IF I have I am sorry. It will come to me - my brain is not what it used to be but getting better everyday. I love you guys with all my heart.
I have heat that radiates off of me when I am clothed. My husband sweats next to me at night and jokes I feel like 110 degrees, and when i uncover I get chills. I just dont know where else to turn or who else to see to get some relief. I feel like I am going crazy from the pain. Can anyone offer any insight to all of this? I would be greatly appreciated of anything.
These left over bits, such as sugar, can promote the sudden growth of bacteria and yeast (already always present in a healthy vagina) and lead to an infection. Now, if your boyfriend wants to try edible massage oil or chocolate syrup ON your genitals as opposed to inside, that would be alright. But I would not recommend putting any food inside your vagina. It's you who will suffer the repercussions.
(that is why I like to post and read others jokes sometimes). Today was one of the days when I felt rough all day and by 5 PM I was getting cranky. My wife went out and rented my absolute favorite comedy movie of all time "Me, Myself, and Irene" for the next almost 2 hours I howled and cried with laughter and actually felt better by the movies conclusion. What are some others favorite's? If you are feeling like **** try watching it again, it just may make you feel better...
Now the past month i dont want it at all! My hubby keeps making lil jokes here and there about watching porn and using my hand! Or he asks to barrow my panties lol he knows i love him and that im uncomfy when we have sex. But what has been helping us get thru it is we laugh it off or when we do have sex he massages my hole body first and during! It really does help! I dont get to the finsh line but it does make my body relaxed and it helps me fall asleep!
She did say that she believed there was something wrong and from the way she spoke she made it sound that the problem is in my central nervous system. She did give me something for my spasms and also a script for massage therapy. So I guess I should be happy that I got that much. She said I need to find a GP to help me figure out where next to go. Ya like I haven't been trying!!! She did say she would see me again in July in case I don't get anywhere. Yeah me.
It will take time, but you do need to know that it will get better. If your chiropractor's office has a massage therapist on site, talk to the chiropractor about satisfying the insurance company's desire for dotting the I's and crossing the T's, so that you can also see the massage therapist. That will help a lot with the muscle spasms. For a while my chiropractor had me see the massage therapist before seeing her for the adjustment.
Anyway, the pain was so bad one day that I told the teacher that I had to leave. She talked me into working with her on a massage ball (a small ball, not a pilates ball)...this has been around for about 18 years and she had just taken a class in it. Two half hour sessions of rolling on this ball (like a smallish soccer ball)...leaning my body wt. into it, literally placing the ball underneath me and "rolling" on it...slowly.....and, I have had tons and tons of relief.
Now I am all emotional.................. okay, now that we're all crying again!! Any good jokes,lol. I feel if you do not ALWAYS look around you at others worse off (something a friend of mine REALLY needs to learn!).........you will become absorbed in self pity, selfishness, loose your 'heart', the greatest loss of all! HOW can you really whine if you look 'around' you at so many suffering/needing more?
I have my life back and my family has their old dad and husband back and he is better than ever! I may even post a couple of jokes again in the Social forum. Laughter definitely helps when treating! Regards to all and good luck.
I have never had any luck w/muscle relaxers but what I do is get a massage. I have a lady that comes to my house (b/c my family has known her for years) but also if there is a community college near you they usually do a 1hr massage for $30 b/c the students are training. Maybe you find something like that..... I feel for you honey!
MedHelp Health Answers