Another part of me wants to believe in god, but, I fear
, as a kind of good feeling that most normal people feel and experiences--fluidly (i.e., without disturbance, ritual, or conflict) as a feeling. in sum, I have some strong connection, control between my feelings, my physiology, and my thoughts. I must have trained myself in some weird ways growing up. Sometimes I imagine myself as younger and not worrying about this **** and that kind-of makes me think this is all abnormal and OCD.