msanxiety? Reminds me of Ms PacMan, but yours is no fun game, by any means. Honestly, if I can't make heads nor tails of what you wrote, it comes as no surprise that YOU can't, either. So I suggest you plant yourself squarely in front of a psychiatrist and
ask the "WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HERE?" question and
THEN start a course of therapy because the only thing missing in what you wrote is any mention of the most important chemical of ALL: your own brain juice.